i have been deceived unintentionally by well-intentioned people. We all have. It happens all the time.
"The G-Tube is easy."
That's what the nurses, doctors, G-tube specialists, & friends who've used them all said. What i didn't realize is that they meant that it's easier than figuring out my own way to get food into my child's stomach without using his mouth or throat. In that light i would agree that a G-tube is easier than doing surgery multiple times a day, injecting food in with a needle or beaming it in Star Trek style... although if that were a viable option i'd totally go with that one.
But i didn't find the G-Tube easy.
i found it cumbersome & intimidating. There are more steps than i can always remember to prepping it & hooking it up & running it & cleaning it... The site was seepier than i liked at first... then it was wobblier than i thought appropriate... i'm always forgetting to clamp & unclamp at the right times... & when they said that i would know more about the G-Tube than the doctors i didn't realize it was because most doctors don't do G-Tubes on 6 month olds (even if said 6 month old pulled said G-Tube out of his belly at 6AM on a Saturday...) It wasn't natural or easy for me... which was worrisome, frustrating, & humbling for me.
The statements which were intended to encourage me left me wondering if i was just duller than everyone else. It made me question why i wasn't natural at it. The temptation to count myself as unworthy of the task of mothering my baby with cords was very present.
There is a point to me writing this post. & i want to assure you right now that it's not to receive super sweet comments about how i'm a super mom... although i often feel absolutely lifted up by your kind words. It's to share a problem that i think is common to all moms... & maybe just people for that matter. & the problem doesn't lie with the cords that Theodorable currently has attached to his little self. i think the problem lies with the term "easy".
Sometimes we expect easy to mean "posing no difficulty; requiring little effort"... which is the #1 definition of easy (according to Siri... mom-style research happening here). But there are many more definitions than that for the word. When Jesus said in Matthew 11:29-30 that His yoke was easy & His burden was light He wasn't saying that following Him didn't require effort. In fact following Jesus is the definition of difficult as we're asked to lay down what we want in exchange for whatever He wants for us. Specifically the word easy here means "agreeable, gentle, gracious, useful, kind" (http://www.gospeltruth.net/1861OE/610102_christs_yoke.htm)... a deeper meaning to the word easy.
Because sometimes things that are agreeable & gracious & useful aren't easy. Like exercising, or nursing a baby, or baking homemade cinnamon rolls, or budgeting, or being consistent with discipline... Things in parenting (like the G-Tube) aren't effortless... but they are worth it. & the truth is they're easier in the long run than doing life without them.
Yes we survived the first week upon my husband's ability to hook up anything with cords... Yes the only thought i had while reinserting a gastronomy tube into the open hole in my baby's belly was "don't think"... Yes i am improving on my G-tube skills... & it's getting "easier"... but i think i'm going to stop aiming for "easy" & just work at "worth it."