"Do you have to poop? Or just pee?"
"Did you wipe?"
"Do you have to go bad enough to pee on the side of this road?"
"Who didn't flush?!?"
"Have you tried pooping? It might cure your current ailment."
Singing in public...
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! Even if you're grocery shopping, you don't care. Your voice is out of tune, you're in the walmart restroom... If you're happy and you know it sing out loud!
Smelling weird things on purpose...
Butts, shoes, milk, armpits, dirty clothes, lunch meat (multiple times), mystery spills, breath, car seats, anonymous brown substances, wounds, cloth diapers out of the dryer...
Making up universal laws on the spot...
... "That's why toothbrushes do not belong near rear ends."
... "That's why toenails should never be allowed to grow that long."
... "That's why you don't throw pepper!"
... "That's why you shouldn't lick the table."
... "That's why pogo sticks aren't allowed up there."
Squirreling away mobile food stores...
At any given place or time I could feed 4 children for a day. 3 days if I have access to my van. For a day and a half the menu would even be surprisingly balanced. Granola bars, fruit strips, breakfast bars, peanut butter crackers, jerky, dried cranberries, skittles, fruit snacks, cereal... Add to that the sandwiches, apples, and frozen yogurt tubes I threw into my purse for that day's lunch... And remember the sippy cups galore (some in the early stages of cheese making...) and that's an unacceptable amount of food to have on a person!!!
Complaining about staying home...
It is way more challenging than we imagined when still in the public work force. The lack of deadlines to motivate procrastinators. The void of acknowledgement to itch egos. Gone are the time clocks where "off duty" is an option. How easy it is to spiral into focusing on the emotional toll bringing up tiny humans demands. But there is more than these... There is NO dress code! No meetings to plan meetings. No corporate run around. No public, too small refrigerators. No office drama... And deeper still... There are those lives. The ones still fully controlled by their limited understanding and unlimited selfishness. There is love discovered and sacrificed deeply for. There are the moments we see that we will cherish in our hearts onward and upward. An environment that wears away our selfishness and self-dependence... where a more true self and home and work can be discovered... Where my weakness leads me to call out for a strength from a God who is concerned with my monotonous daily grind. In our expression of the hardships may we not stop short of recognizing the joy and privilege the momentary title of "stay-at-home" awards us.