The Depths of Forgiveness

how deep am i willing to dive into forgiveness?

some days i feel i've already treaded as deep as i can go...

yet i feel the Holy Spirit pushing me... prodding me to swim deeper

into waters unknown to me

... waters that Christ walks on...

for He has already been into the deep... fully submerged

only to resurface with a full victory...

of complete forgiveness

for all people

for every sin.

... even those we can't bear without terror

& He's there in that abyss of forgiveness calling

"follow Me"...

but the waves are crashing in my fearful mind, 

& the thunder of my broken heart is deafening,

the pain is crying louder than His still, small voice...

in the breath of the moment i'm incredibly aware that i have a choice

a hard choice

a painful choice

to either allow my eyes to be captured by the turmoil

the heart ache

the terror

or...

to fix my gaze on Jesus

Who is not thrown by the storm

or tossed by the waves of fear

Who knows the pain of this offense personally

for He Himself bore the consequences of this sin

with full knowledge of this betrayal 

He was pleased to make the offender His own...

if i choose to stop here

because i've already gone so far

or don't know how to go further...

then i'll drown in my unforgiveness.

but if i move forward

forgiving as Christ forgives

then i'm running toward His open arms

& that voice that stills the storm

... & if for only that reason

forgiveness is not the ignorant choice

& we should never mistake the peace of Jesus in the storm 

for a lack of knowledge of severity

or an absence of caring...

for it is the new way to true life

Isaiah 43... "forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. see, I am doing a new thing! now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert & streams in the wasteland... I, even I, am He who blots out your transgressions, for My own sake, & remembers your sins no more..."

Mom Goggle Appreciation

Parents see their children differently than others see them. They perceive their potential, dream up ambitions, stare directly into their handsomeness, and (hopefully) cheer loudly. This strange view from parenting also causes overreaction to any missteps or personality struggle as an assumed lifelong failure. Some people refer to this phenomenon as "mom goggles". If you've never heard this term you could educate yourself by watching the mom goggle episode of The Goldbergs... You'll thank me later. I've determined that mom goggles actually alter how parents perceive the world. That may sound super inspirational (feel free to journey there in your mind if you're so lead), but I'm actually referring to the things that parents appreciate that these same people were literally incapable of appreciating (as intensely) the minute before they had a child. 

Here are a few things mom goggles make much more vivid:

Appreciation For Drive Thru's-

Any business that gives me the option to keep the crew who can't all buckle or walk themselves stuck in their 5-point harnesses is going to win my loyalty. 

Freshly Clipped Finger Nails-

I rarely noticed the length of other human beings finger nails until I bore tiny versions with miniature talons that will rip flesh from me if not kept up on every 37.4 hours (approximately). 

Feeding Yourself, And Only Yourself-

Cutting up meat into bite-sizes pieces is not a chore when said pieces are entering my own mouth. But when there's a mass of tiny, hungry mouths screaming in impatience for their next bite, meal time changes. Date night has ceased being about where we eat out, as I simply cebrate eating my own meal when it's hot. 

Spare Time-

Friends in my MOPS group collectively grieve the absurd amount of time Sienfeld stole from our pre-children days. I can't figure out why we spent the evenings inside when there were no sleeping minors to keep us at home? Why didn't I paint, or learn a stupid human trick, or volunteer, or train for more endurance sports, or master tap dancing then? I didn't even know how awesome "killing time" in Target was until I became a parent. 

Leaving The House With Ease-

It was so simple for all those years I didn't even notice. I never truly appreciated how super I am at putting on my own shoes and coat. I now see that I am very talented at these skills, and I pray that one day my offspring will, too, be blessed with these abilities... Because currently we collectively are horrendous at leaving the house. 

Rooms Staying Clean-

I'm not, how you say, a "natural homemaker"... Previous to miniature humans moving in, I would think "when was the last time I swept the apartment?" Because it didn't NEED swept!!! That concept is mind boggling at this point of my cheerio-crumbs-everywhere life. 

Normal Toothpaste Tubes-

This...

makes me view a toothpaste tube that's been squeezed with the use of fine motor skills with more appreciation than I ever thought necessary. 

There are many more things that children make us view with deeper appreciation... and that seriously is a blessing. Since the first 8 years have raced by, I'm going to grasp as much vividness and thankfulness out of each season, and trust the Lord to use it all to grow me as the journey continues. Let's not become bitter with longing over what's not in our current season, and strive to be appreciative along the way.