i've figured it out!!! It suddenly makes sense!
It only took 1 sick day, 1 crazy saturday involving 2 separate sets of babysitting duos, 1 federal holiday celebrating a brave hero, 3 snow days (and counting), 2 school agers, 2 1.5-year olds, 43 dirty diapers, 13 minutes of "everyone's napping at the same time", and 0 trips out of the house in the past 5 days... but it's all coming together!
i figured out why parents are always going crazy!!!
i'm being serious here. i've developed a theory and i'm fairly certain this will be widely accepted. follow me down this rabbit hole...
My dad taught me that the definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting a different outcome... Read that again... It's the definition of parenting!!!! Eureka!!! It all makes sense!
We really ARE going crazy... or actually we have already arrived at crazy!!!
This realization hit me as i sat on the bathroom floor reading the same book to my super potty-trainer for the 12th time in 3 hours. i tried to remind myself to be present... To notice his cold feet and how he always insists on setting them on top of my feet... To force myself to count the dogs in the number book and enjoy the panting noises he makes every time he sees a dog... To use the silly voices... To act surprised that the turkey dives in the pool with his clothes on... i sought to soak him up. This was a battle, as every fiber in my being was just wanting to be done with the bathroom floor and the tired books and the potty cheers and wiping up poop from multiple surfaces and the "ca-ca" whispers that always come as soon as i finally get the diaper and pants back on him...
This time around i have perspective in my mom tool belt and the Holy Spirit helps me pull it out in these moments. He won't always need me to sit with him while he empties his bladder. i need not be sad at that thought... In fact i WILL celebrate that moment. But i need not worry... i just need to keep doing the same thing over and over and over and over again... then i need to do it 317 more times... and somewhere in all of that, things will change. Most likely i will be so wrapped up in other repetitions and repeating myself and new parenting chants that i won't even realize the very moment of change... but it will come.
Just like the crazy came so suddenly with parenting.
i'm hoping this realization will help me let go of my expectation to dwell anywhere other than crazy. After all, it's of no benefit to my kids to always hear "you're driving me crazy!!!"... especially murmured after they simply behave like the kids they are. Now that i've not-so-scientifically figured out why i feel so crazy, i'm going to soldier on making bottles, changing diapers, cleaning messes, reheating my coffee, "cooking" food, telling stories, listening, breathing, kissing, repeating... i officially take back the keys to this crazy train... i'm driving myself here, so i might as well enjoy the trip.