And sometimes i can't help but ask...
Why me?
i've cried for my friends who struggle to conceive while my belly grows round with child...
i've held my babies against the same shoulders that have caught the tears of mothers who have lost their babies...
My husband has held me as i melt down over the stress of mothering 4 (let's be honest... when i was just mothering 2) while my sister raises 6 kids while her husband is gone...
My camera has captured images of my children growing and my family playing while there are eyes that have never seen...
We brought our son home less than 1 year after we began our adoption process while i've witnessed heart-wrenching adoption fiascoes that have drug on for years or ended too suddenly...
i've breathed crisp air while jogging distances many people can't walk...
People celebrate the fact that we have been blessed with two babies at the same time by cooking & cleaning & giving & helping us...
There are more Bibles in this house than people who can read them... and i don't have to hide them or the fact that i read and believe that Truth is found within the pages...
We laughed & danced & wondered on a magical Polar Express train ride that was gifted to our children on the day that 27 families in Connecticut found out their loved ones weren't coming home...
Clean, hot water falls from my faucets... There is enough food in my house to sustain my family for weeks... There are empty rooms in our safe, dry, warm, lovely house... We have so many clothes that cleaning & folding & hanging & storing them often overwhelms me... My 4 kids can laugh and play so hard that my house is always messy with expensive toys that have been generously passed onto us... We have access to healthcare that makes it so that people not growing old is the exception not the expectation...
Why me?
i have not made all the right choices... i'm not a perfect parent... i struggle as a wife... i'm greedy... i worry even though Jesus says repeatedly that i'm not to... i didn't earn the ability to think or walk or see or hear or breathe... i'm not a financial genius... i have done nothing to deserve the life i have... i simply answered the call that Jesus put on my heart to follow Him.
Following Jesus doesn't make life stop hurting... It doesn't fix all the things we'd like to see fixed... It doesn't end injustice yet... But Jesus does give us strength for today & hope for tomorrow... so as I follow hard after Him i'm going to laugh in the fun moments... cry in the sad... knowing that God never promised us a white-picket-fence type life... and move forward trusting that God is in control and His ways are perfect even when our understanding falls short... and that's abundance that transcends situations...
"The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners-of whom i am the worst. But for that very reason i was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:14-16
Amen & Amen! Thank you for sharing your heart. The love, grace and mercy of the LORD are certainly upon you. Love you!
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