Commit not to be deceived here. There are martyrs in this world, but for today, you are not one of them. You, my lovely self, are a mother... And there is a big difference.
You are surrounded by life. The messes, the noise, the fullness, the constant. These are just what young life feels like.
It is hard. It always has been. It is a job. Work hard.
It is fun. There can be laughter. Memories are forged here. Play on purpose... Especially when you lack the energy to do so.
This is your stage... You have a small, select audience. Show up. Speak life.
This is your calling... Don't compare. God never ceases being good in His sovereignty. He wants you here.
This is a home... Not a jail. Stop coveting the freedom of "leaving". Your husband is going to work... It is not as glorious as you are imagining. This is simply a passing season.
This is the day the Lord has made. It is not the same as yesterday. Choose expectation. He will not disappoint.
You are not alone... Those feelings are strong, but not true. You work beside a world of other life-givers. Cherish the moments your paths walk together.
You are not failing... It's a fast from the god of accomplishment you've sacrificed to for far too much of your life. You just need to believe real, true world-changing, Kingdom work is being done in the diapers and dishes. Faith (perfected faith) is what He's after.
You are seen. Your faithfulness is in the attitude with which you meet this sticky repetition. You don't have to conjure up hope, Jesus walks with you and gives freely. He is the forgiveness you need for all the temper tantrums (your own and your children's). He's the strength and the song in the exhaustion.
Death is nearer than the repetition of the everyday will allow you to see. "We are all just walking each other home" after all. Some will arrive there in this moment. Some will approach it so slow and steady the change from infancy to adulthood will seem strange and startling.
This is just what it feels like. Don't lie down in drama. Choose a smile. Cry your tears. It's life. Give and maybe you'll just be astounded at what measure He pours out from this little self of mine.
You are a mother, don't act like a martyr.