Friday, July 5, 2013

a secret of love

i'm in love... it's no secret... in fact having no secrets is the secret to marriage i want to share with you...

My husband is amazing, hilarious, super handsome, strong, sweet, loyal, trustworthy, honest (to a fault at times), stubborn, talkative, my best friend, a great cook, tough, an incredible father, devoted, disciplined, fun, talented at many things, committed...

He holds me, calms me down, challenges me, dyes my hair, loves our children, builds me up, spoils me, tries to be patient, increases my fashion sense, makes me laugh, provides for our family, changes our cars oil, watches movies with me, teaches me, shows me videos that make me chuckle, understands me...

But he doesn't read my mind... Nor is he telepathic.

Therefore, if there is something i need or want or am considering; we have to engage in a highly complicated marital practice... talking. i have to tell him. 

i have to tell him what i feel. i have to say what i need. i have to put into words what i'm thinking... even when i'm not super at understanding myself.

So for our eleventh wedding anniversary i'm giving him the gift of literally spelling out what i want! i'm SUPER thoughtful like that! This way he doesn't have to spend any time or energy trying to figure it out!

Disclaimer: As you peer into my "what i'd like" list please know that some of these things i've already told him i want & therefore are already being taken care of... but a list is always good :)

Eleven Things i Want For Our Eleventh Anniversary:

1) A day off. i would like a day where i wake up & go. i'm unsure of where i'm going to go or what i'll do there... but i want to go & do. Specifically i don't want to figure out where our 4 lovely children are going to go or what they're going to do or how they're going to eat or sleep or so forth. It doesn't matter to me if you choose to 'Mr. Mom" it for the day or if you hire 4 babysitters and 2 housekeepers... whatever works. You just need to tell me what day this is happening. i guarantee my schedule is already open.

2) Flirting. Please don't mistake this for me asking for gag-reflex inducing PDA. i'm talking about sneaking in excuses to touch my hand or kiss my neck or compliment me or sit near me when we're outside of our home. i pretty much want to be regularly reminded that if i wasn't yours you would actively fight to change that. 

3) Surprises. Mostly i'm looking for yummy coffee beverages, cream that has been iced, coconut water, and things i randomly mention i would like but don't "need." Currently i don't have any items like that to mention to you... but i'll keep you posted.

4) Help with the kitchen. You've probably noticed that i'm drowning in dirty dishes. Having you stand next to me and wipe stuff up and talk to me and put things away helps me tremendously. Mostly i just need you there, where i am, in our crazy mess with me. i don't care if you put the dishes in the wrong place... i don't care if you explain the best way to wash a pan to me... i just need to know i'm not alone in the everyday. (This goes for laundry & vacuuming & the budget... but you're already know that.)

5) A foot rub. You're so amazing at rubbing my feet. You're incredible at letting me know you are always up for the chore. i'm not so good at asking for it... mostly because you work so hard and i fear turning into another thing you must take care of. i need to get better at taking you up on this offer.

6) Compliments. i trust your words more than any other human. i just need constant reminding. i recognize that it's my issue. Logically i know that if you tell me you like how i look in an outfit, then whenever i wear it you like it. But my insecurity is deeper than i'd like and it often denies logic. i need to know what you're thinking. i need to hear it over and over and over again. 

7) Your opinion. It's hard to convey to you how much it means to me that you read my blog. i regularly surrender this blog to the Lord and out of the grasp of the clutches of the idol "acceptance"'s hand. But it's still a fact that i float on clouds of confidence when you find what i write or how i write it to be clever. Just as important is when you tell me when it's not your favorite... for how else could i believe the nice things?

8) Fun. Sometimes i forget the importance of fun. Sometimes i'm too tired or too busy or too hormonal or too grumpy or too empty to pursue fun. But i need it. i need to remember that i'm me with 4 kids... not just a mother of 4. Getting away with you helps me remember. Laughing way to late into the night helps me remember. Being ridiculous helps me remember. Let's ride roller coasters or float on rafts or play a game or try a new recipe together... because you're good at fun... and i want to join you there.

9) You to be my Hero. Don't worry... you already are. But i want you to keep fighting to be that hero. Keep learning. Keep digging deep. Keep reading the Word. Keep obeying our Lord. Keep uncovering the depths of who you are. Keep tearing down the walls that keep you from accepting love fully. Keep training when you don't see results. Keep teaching me. Keep speaking life into our family. Keep being my hero.

10) Segway Ride & "Bouldering". It's not going to happen with two infants in tow... so a raincheck will have to do on our anniversary date. But lets do this...

11) You to read this. i respect you too much for you to be anyone but the first person to read this list. Also you kinda are my source of humor so i'm sure you can give me a few tips for improvement...

There's my list. If you are married make your own. True romance is not having a spouse who figures out what you need or want... but instead it's having a spouse who will listen to what you need and cares enough to make it happen. Yes it hurts worse if you say what you need and then don't get it. Yes we have been there before. Yes it's worth it anyway. Grow more open with your spouse today. 

Love you more than i knew i could 11 years ago...

1 comment:

  1. I just made a list for Scott a couple days ago. It's amazing how we have very similar things. Congratulations on your 11 years! May God continue to bless you both and your families.