It's the Little Things...

Parenthood brings about many causes for celebration. We rejoice at wonderful new milestones that our children reach. Having a child with the superpower of Down syndrome has shown us even more clearly the progression toward these accomplishments and the fun in acknowledging these breakthroughs. Yet, not all breakthroughs are even. There are a handful of regularly celebrated and noted milestones, that aren't 100% wins for the parents... 

Baby rolled over! Note to self: stop leaving baby on sofa. 

Baby pulls self up to standing! Realize how many sharp and flammable and heavy and fragile items are left near the edge of tables. 

Baby's first word! Good bye sane-permitting silence. 

Baby's first taste of food! Hello spoon feeding chore. 

Baby's first step! No longer know where baby is ever...

The list continues. I'm not saying we shouldn't celebrate these cool new necessary-for-survival skills. I'd just like to point out that there are some awesome milestones that parents truly rejoice over, yet never seem to have their spot in the baby books (not that any third or later born child even has a baby book...)

Here are some noteworthy (possibly ice cream worthy) milestones I believe should get some acknowledgement:

Pushing Limbs Through Sleeves

Humans are born without this ability. Some babies, more so than others. Parents of a somewhat floppy infant are going to dance a jig when that little one first uses some muscle tone to actually push their arm through their sleeve! The days of reverse toothpaste tube fishing for a wrist stuck up behind a bent elbow in a sleeve made for a tiny person are nearing an end!

Spoon Feeding Self 

The day when you can set a plate of food and the proper eating utensils before your offspring and they consume more of the food than is dropped or thrown should be celebrated! Sure, the home video won't be that thrilling... But recognized it should be, nonetheless. 

Buckling Self Into and Out of Seat

This is next level stuff here. Life with a self buckler can't even be imagined by the parent lugging around an infant carrier. (Side note: get a sling or wrap or back pack and leave that stinking heavy carrier in the car... Those seats are killer on your poor back!) But this day does come! A day when the human child opens a car door, moves themselves into their seat and clips their OWN buckles!!! No more games of Twister while all the weather hits your rear end that's sticking out of the back of your vehicle!!! Rejoice!

Socks and Shoes Selfie

Maybe having multiple sets of baby feet (one set requiring braces) at a time has made me more sensitive to the chore of actually getting all the offspring out the door. Even so, the day when a parent can simply announce "It's time to go. Put on your shoes." is a good day! I know from parenting grade schoolers this doesn't mean getting out the door (especially for school in the mornings) is without drama... It just means less steps for the parent. We'll worry about getting them on the right feet later... Today we celebrate!

Retrieving Skills

I vote that there should be a place in all baby memory books where we proud parents can record "On this day___ in the year ___ my child retrieved something I needed but couldn't reach. (Age:__)" The first time the older toddler can go get you wipes when the new baby's diaper has exploded and you didn't know the container was empty until you started the clean up process is magical! Stuck in the bathroom without toilet paper? Send the child for it! They most likely already followed you in there, anyways! Let's put this awesome skill to use!

Ability To Get Fingers Into Glove Slots

This is like the sleeve thing revisited. Only with gloves, you're already exhausted from putting the rest of the snow gear on them and these tiny digits have NO clue where they are supposed to go! Reaching this milestone should be marked with something beyond the expected hot cocoa!

Safely Swallowing a Pill

Your budget will rejoice when a single ibuprofen pill replaces two syringes full or 3 quick dissolve tablets of expensive children's medicine. The stickiness level of medicine distribution decreases dramatically! No more crushing, hiding, mixing nasty tasting medicine! A whole new world of vitamins opens up! Woo hoo!

Pumping Legs on Swing

You've arrived at the "go outside and play" stage!!! Without the ability to actually make the swings go, outside play time had to be a parent lead activity. When they figure out pumping their legs... That's a fun freedom! (*Disclaimer: I'm not advocating for unsupervised playground play! But more loosely supervised as they grow.)

Wiping Well

Yay for potty training! Yay for the day when the Elmo potty goes away for good (no more dumping!!!)! But come on now!!! The day when you no longer hear "Mom! I pooped!" yelled from behind closed bathroom doors is a milestone if ever there was! 

Solo Playtime 

I'm a firm believer in the importance of the statement "go play." As a parent, I reject the title of "entertainer." I strive to be present, engaged, playful and active with my kids without turning them into dictators of my every moment. There's this whole world that I can only be in one tiny spot of... So let's notice and celebrate and encourage those first interests, explorations, and dare we say, alone-play moments!!!

Nose Blowing Skills

Two words: bulb syringe. My infant's snot constantly dripping down his face might not bother him, but it is a major problem to me! I'll use that sucker on them until they can properly expel the snot out of their sinus cavities without wiping it up into their hairline. Seriously! A good, clean, tissue caught nose blow is a big deal! Let's go ahead and post videos on Facebook celebrating our young kids blowing their noses like Hulk would!! (Superheroes seem to work for us...)

Reading a Clock

Does your child know their numbers? If so, they may be ready for their own digital clock in their bedroom! May I suggest making a sign that shows what 7:00 looks like on the clock (or just 7 and cover up the minutes with the sign) and make this wake up time! It's not a guaranteed win out of the gates, but when the littles stay quiet and contained until a acceptable wake up time it's totally worth the effort!!! 

It's ok to celebrate the ordinary! It's ok to usher out phases with cheers and tears. It's important to recognize the amazement of growth that is life! It's a strange dichotomy of emotions. We don't have to wish it away nor wish it to stay forever... but let's strive to treasure up these things in our hearts that we may grow rich in parenting. 

What are some other phases that parents should celebrate that aren't always noted?

Things Three Year Olds Don't Grasp About Christmas

Uninflated Inflateables

"They broken? How they popped? You fix them? How they no working? How they lay down? Aww... They dead? Why they there?..."

A Non-White Christmas Time

"It's Christmas time?!? It's snowy outside?!? Where's the snow? So, it not Christmas time yet?"

Why the Entire 16 oz Bag of Chocolate Bells Can't All Be Eaten In One Sitting

"...But Grandma George gave me this present! This for me. Her say I can eat them! They mine! All them mine!!!"

The Cost of Batteries 

"Mom, you fix this? How this broken? You put new batteries in this? You fix ALL the [million trinkets that are supposed to blink or flash or sing] things?!"

Santa Claus

{Someone innocently asks him if Santa is going to visit his house:} "Santa coming today at dark nap?!? Why he not come now? It not Christmas time yet? It not snowy outside? It IS Christmas!!! Santa coming NOW?!!"

Pumpkins That Haven't Been Taken Down Yet

"Mom, how those pumpkins there? Her not have Christmas? It's not snowy yet? That a scary pumpkin? That a Christmas pumpkin?"

How to Eat a Candy Cane Like a Human

*Receives candy cane from parent: wrapper is open with an acceptable amount of candy revealed, allowing the rest of the wrapper to suffice as a handle preventing the spread of stickiness.

*Takes a few licks.

*Tries peeling the wrapper back.

*Wanders away from parent to not be caught peeling the remaining wrapper off. 

*Leaves pieces of sticky wrapper on carpet while licking EnTiRe length of the candy cane {which is only possible if switching hands with candy cane to access part where hand just was}.

*Touches everything possible. 

*Accidently ingests a fuzz ball that was transferred from sticky palm to sticky cane. 

*Sets disgusting, hairy candy cane down {most likely on dad's favorite seat on the couch} to work on retrieving the fuzz ball. 

*Parent responds to the sounds of attempted hair ball removal. 

*Unanswerable questions asked regarding the state of the candy cane while fuzz ball fishing occurs. 

*3-year old breaks candy cane while trying to uncement it from its resting place. 

*Melt down commences over broken candy cane...

*Approximately 27 minutes of power play, time outs, tears, scrubbing, lecturing, lost tempers, and candy cane disposal {after approximately 2.5 minutes of candy cane enjoyment}

Secret-Keeping Skills

Toddler: "Daddy! We got surprise astronauts for you!!!" 

Dad: "What?"

Mom: "Buddy, that's a surprise for daddy. Don't tell him about it!"

Toddler: whispering into dad's ear with his hot little breath {while eyeing mom from the corner of his eye} "Daddy... We got surprise astronauts for you..."

Other People Opening Presents

"But where my presents at??? How it not Christmas time for me too? It not snowy? It's IS Christmas time for me! Those my presents!!! How he opening presents? NO!!! I want it to be PRESENT TIME FOR ME!!!!...{public meltdown ensues ensuring all strangers assume this brat comes from a materialistic family} 

The Astonishing Nativity

"Look at that tiny barn! That Jesus barn? How Jesus that baby? No! Babies don't sleep in barns! How there angels? They say {deep voice attempt} "Don't be 'fraid"! Jesus is God. God is the boss? He a good boss."

Random Things That Stress Me Out

People Running in Denim

Is someone chasing them? They seem to be at a relaxed jogging pace, but they're wearing jeans... Even when the person is clearly participating in the same 5k as me, but she's in denim shorts, my heart races faster. Chaffing much?

The Pressure of Picking the Exact Correct Size Tupperware for Leftovers 

I can't handle a big ol' plastic container with an insufficient amount of food to fill it. Enough so that I'll actually risk the smaller size with the possibility of realizing it's a scoop too small. This, of course, is way worse as now you're talking an extra dirty dish and another gamble in the Tupperware drawer... Aye aye aye...

Kids Not Sleeping

It doesn't just apply to my own minions. I worry about the melt downs strangers are going to have the next day if they're still shopping at Walmart two hours after I put mine to bed. The possible tantrums and lack of self control that I won't even be around to witness make my stomach tight. I just want these strange kids to succeed at life through appropriate bedtimes!!!

The Mixing of Athletic Pants with Dress Shirts

Could you not decide? If you want to play a sport, you will clearly ruin that shirt with sweat. If you want to lounge around, you will clearly be hindered from comfort by the collars and buttons. And what is the appropriate type of shoe to wear with an outfit like that?

Public Speakers Who Say "Just a Few More Things" as They Near Their Ending Time

How many is a "few"? Is each point going to take as long as the first few you just spent your lecture time making? Even if they're good points and I'm am without a pressing appointment I start to doubt my ears abilities. 

Loafers Without Socks

I've worn loafers. How is this a thing? You're definitely getting blisters in those stiff, stuffy dress shoes. Your feet must be swimming in sweat to the point that they're sliding around inside there... Gag!!!

Messes in Movies

Someone is going to have to clean that up! I'm glad Kevin bested the robbers, but it's possible he did more property damage than the family who left him alone would've lost to the theft. The only good part of the movie Jumanji is the moment when they finish the game and everything goes back to normal magically...

Guys in Their 20's Who Grow Mustaches 

I automatically assume you grew it as a joke. Then the gracious Holy Spirit reminds me that there are all sorts of opinions other than my own. But I don't know how to proceed (and assume you don't either). I panic. I just wish I knew if you were as serious about your facial hair decisions as men in their thirties...

Live Orchestra Performances

I've played in my share of symphonic winds concerts. I appreciate classical type music in certain settings. I recognize the skill and discipline and grace these symphonies require... I just wish someone was singing or dancing or acting something out to the beautiful music. More sophisticated people will (and should) totally disagree with me on this. But it's not even a boredom thing... I'm just anxious because I don't know how long all these songs in the program are, or even what song we're currently enjoying... and I'm severely doubting my sitting still skills are enough to last this (that ability is sadly underdeveloped in my person)!!!

Not Knowing Where the Facilities Are

I don't need to know exactly where the bathroom is. I possess a grown up amount of bladder control. But if I'm out somewhere and need to find a bathroom... I'm in trouble. If I know where it is and how to get there, I'll make it. If there is an ounce of doubt... Let's just say if I don't know where I'm going, I'll just go where I am...

Figuring Out How To End Blogs

...

Things moms can get away with...

Asking other humans about the specifics of their bowel and bladder happenings...

"Do you have to poop? Or just pee?"

"Did you wipe?"

"Who farted?"

"Do you have to go bad enough to pee on the side of this road?"

"Who didn't flush?!?"

"Have you tried pooping? It might cure your current ailment."

Singing in public...

If you're happy and you know it clap your hands! Even if you're grocery shopping, you don't care. Your voice is out of tune, you're in the walmart restroom... If you're happy and you know it sing out loud!

Smelling weird things on purpose...

Butts, shoes, milk, armpits, dirty clothes, lunch meat (multiple times), mystery spills, breath, car seats, anonymous brown substances, wounds, cloth diapers out of the dryer...

Making up universal laws on the spot...

... "That's why toothbrushes do not belong near rear ends."

... "That's why toenails should never be allowed to grow that long."

... "That's why you don't throw pepper!"

... "That's why you shouldn't lick the table."

... "That's why pogo sticks aren't allowed up there."

Squirreling away mobile food stores...

At any given place or time I could feed 4 children for a day. 3 days if I have access to my van. For a day and a half the menu would even be surprisingly balanced. Granola bars, fruit strips, breakfast bars, peanut butter crackers, jerky, dried cranberries, skittles, fruit snacks, cereal... Add to that the sandwiches, apples, and frozen yogurt tubes I threw into my purse for that day's lunch... And remember the sippy cups galore (some in the early stages of cheese making...) and that's an unacceptable amount of food to have on a person!!!

Complaining about staying home...

It is way more challenging than we imagined when still in the public work force. The lack of deadlines to motivate procrastinators. The void of acknowledgement to itch egos. Gone are the time clocks where "off duty" is an option. How easy it is to spiral into focusing on the emotional toll bringing up tiny humans demands. But there is more than these... There is NO dress code! No meetings to plan meetings. No corporate run around. No public, too small refrigerators. No office drama... And deeper still... There are those lives. The ones still fully controlled by their limited understanding and unlimited selfishness. There is love discovered and sacrificed deeply for. There are the moments we see that we will cherish in our hearts onward and upward. An environment that wears away our selfishness and self-dependence... where a more true self and home and work can be discovered... Where my weakness leads me to call out for a strength from a God who is concerned with my monotonous daily grind. In our expression of the hardships may we not stop short of recognizing the joy and privilege the momentary title of "stay-at-home" awards us. 

9... Going on 18

We're halfway there. You entered this world nine years ago, and nine years from now you'll be entering college or a licensing program or the work force or mission field... If the Lord wills, of course. 

i can't help but feel a pressure. This age. Your listening ears. That giant heart... You have an incredible thought process that hasn't yet ruled me out as a fool. You want to learn and [if just for this moment] you listen to me. But how can i tell you all the important things? How can I saturate your mind full enough of Truth and wisdom to survive a possible mother-daughter teenage relational drought?

What is it right now that your formative self most needs to hear and learn and know... ?

You were created. 

There is a God, who in His perfection, dreamed you up and made you come true. And He is still creating you. It is He alone who defines beauty. Refuse to compare all the different flowers in His bouquet... for it is their differences that compound the beauty. Hear from your Creator daily in order to be brave enough to open your mind to His idea of beautiful. 

Your value differs from your purpose. 

You are valuable because you're one of God's dreams come true. That is already established. Embracing that God-given value will empower you to work hard at your purpose. Knowing God and making Him known. This means hard work, serving others, dying to your own wants and feelings in exchange for those of Jesus. Don't get this confused. You don't need to serve or work or "succeed" in order to have value, you can serve and work and succeed because you are valuable. Know this even without the trophies for showing up...

You will be wrong. 

You will be so incredibly totally convinced you're right, but you will realize you were completely wrong. You will try something you expect to be gifted at and bomb. Failure happens. It's vital and not to be feared. Try again. Apologize to those you argued with. This is how you learn. This is where toxic pride can be stripped away. It doesn't feel good, but with the Right One walking with you, you will survive and thrive through it. 

... i'm getting too long winded...

Don't watch much TV. 

Play outside in all the weather. 

Get to know your neighbors. 

Smile at those you pass. 

Battle to save your kiss... It's worth it. 

Stand for what is right. 

Speak up for those who hurt. 

Chew slowly so you can taste your food longer. 

Life isn't about you. 

Avoid bikinis. 

Listen as much as you talk... with God and with people.

Give praise generously (Don't be a "story topper").

Feelings lie. Follow the Holy Spirit instead of your heart. 

Avoid caffeine dependence for as long as possible. 

Be (lovingly) honest even when it hurts. 

Don't aim for that which is easy.

Accept the consequences. 

Dont over-apologize...

Forgive freely. 

Love sacrifically. 

Don't trip near a boy who doesn't truly love Jesus... that fall will hurt...

Be you. Walk close with Jesus. Shine. 

Your life will be intense, painfull, thrilling and impactful. 

i'm incredibly excited to walk through the rest of it with you!

Broken

Sometimes you cry because so many people you love and so many you don't even know are hurting. 

And sometimes you lie on your living floor wetting a letter the dad wrote from prison with your tears, while four of his babies sleep in your house... On Father's Day.

The heart break is sometimes too big for tears when you think about the damage done in making orphans and the pain of loving them. 

And sometimes you have too many sisters with too many heartaches to know how to do anything more than keep showing up.

Sometimes you regret buying tissues from Aldi's because they can't handle adult tears.

And sometimes the parking lot to Panera Bread is just the right spot to sit in your van and cry before going in to buy your bagel. 

And sometimes you just don't want to wear the adorable pumpkin suit...

And sometimes your mind just spins at how you could possibly make a difference when every house on every street of this enormous city is full of hurt... And there's just so. many. cities on this globe...

And sometimes you fight with strength not your own to cling to words that aren't your voice saying "keep opening your door... keep sharing your food... Keep saying "hello" when you pass... Keep hugging... Keep inviting... Keep destroying your normal... Keep praying... Refuse to stop hoping."

... And keep crying... Because sometime is coming when your Savior will take enough time with His hand on your cheek to brush away each tear that has fallen here...

Dear Mother Martyr

Dear Kim...

Commit not to be deceived here. There are martyrs in this world, but for today, you are not one of them. You, my lovely self, are a mother... And there is a big difference. 

You are surrounded by life. The messes, the noise, the fullness, the constant. These are just what young life feels like. 

It is hard. It always has been. It is a job. Work hard. 

It is fun. There can be laughter. Memories are forged here. Play on purpose... Especially when you lack the energy to do so.

This is your stage... You have a small, select audience. Show up. Speak life.

This is your calling... Don't compare. God never ceases being good in His sovereignty. He wants you here.

This is a home... Not a jail. Stop coveting the freedom of "leaving". Your husband is going to work... It is not as glorious as you are imagining. This is simply a passing season.

This is the day the Lord has made. It is not the same as yesterday. Choose expectation. He will not disappoint. 

You are not alone... Those feelings are strong, but not true. You work beside a world of other life-givers. Cherish the moments your paths walk together. 

You are not failing... It's a fast from the god of accomplishment you've sacrificed to for far too much of your life. You just need to believe real, true world-changing, Kingdom work is being done in the diapers and dishes. Faith (perfected faith) is what He's after.

You are seen. Your faithfulness is in the attitude with which you meet this sticky repetition. You don't have to conjure up hope, Jesus walks with you and gives freely. He is the forgiveness you need for all the temper tantrums (your own and your children's). He's the strength and the song in the exhaustion. 

Death is nearer than the repetition of the everyday will allow you to see. "We are all just walking each other home" after all. Some will arrive there in this moment. Some will approach it so slow and steady the change from infancy to adulthood will seem strange and startling. 

This is just what it feels like. Don't lie down in drama. Choose a smile. Cry your tears. It's life. Give and maybe you'll just be astounded at what measure He pours out from this little self of mine. 

You are a mother, don't act like a martyr. 

Kindly,

Yourself...