Momma's Day...

My momma is amazing... she has taught and continues to teach me...
~ how to love
~ to say "no" now so you can say "yes" later
~ it's ok to cry
~ that pain is not weakness... nor should one seek only to avoid pain... but instead pain is an opportunity to make God's strength a reality in daily life
~ never mess with a cub when momma bear is present... or anywhere in the vicinity... or if said momma bear will travel...
~ a house should be always full of singing praises
~ how to draw the coolest stick-figure representations of our family
~ about birds
~ consistency is non-negotiable in the mothering job
~ to be passionate...
My momma rocks... she doesn't like to brag but she...
~ is one of the most generous people i know... and i'm surrounded by generous people
~ sings with soul
~ gives the warmest, softest hugs
~ has an enormous laugh that is contagious
~ is Boggle champion... i'm not joking... my mom CAN beat your mom at Boggle...
~ is super smart... not in the show-off kinda way... but in the has-a-lot-of things-figured-out-and-you-should-listen-to-her sorta way
~ has incredible style
~ is so very beautiful...

As if having 31 years with a momma like this wasn't enough God has blessed me with the best mother-in-law EVER! i'm not exaggerating... this is true. She loves me like a daughter and has raised a son who knows how to work, and play, and serve, and love, and cook...

... And then there's the others... They might not know that they help teach me how to be the mom i am... or at least am trying to be... They probably don't realize that i watch them and hear them and remember what they said years ago (sometimes daily)... They are the "older" women (although some are not that much older in years but very rich in experience) Titus 2 talks about... they are my own mom & mother-in-law & grandmas & more... they might even be you... 

So thank you for encouraging me to be a momma who...
~ enjoys my kids
~ teaches my babies what "no" means
~ let's go of what doesn't matter... such as what they wear or if they want to jump on a bed...
~ re-directs energy
~ chooses to encourage a spirit of adventure instead of teaching a spirit of fear (even when it's hard to watch...)
~ plays with my kids
~ listens now so i can hopefully have an invitation to listen later
~ wonders at my kids
~ considers my "no" answers before automatically giving them
~ always answers truthfully... even when it's hard to explain or awkward or not popular...
~ dances
~ doesn't count to three...
~ runs with my kids
~ figures out when they need to talk most and makes myself available... even if it's at bed time
~ recognizes manipulation
~ prays with and for my kids
~ confesses my sins and asks for forgiveness to my kids
~ lets my kids get messy
~ models accepting who God made me instead of giving into self-hating comparisons
~ loves Jesus
~ enforces outside play & early bed times
~ demonstrates that doing my best is more important than being the best (i.e. when i sing to them or draw them pictures...)
~ balances what the "experts" say with what works for our family
~ doesn't buy over priced school pictures
~ believes God has ministry for them even now
~ laughs... but not always when they can see
~ takes breaks for refreshing myself so i can serve hard
~ cheers for them
~ is present and doesn't lose right now by wishing for tomorrow or missing yesterday
~ allows my kids to "help" even though it makes more work for me
~ doesn't just do what's easiest right now (aka getting up and dealing instead of threatening again...)
~ purposely enjoys being away from my kids so i can purposely enjoy being with my kids
~ surrenders all the natural, nagging mom-guilt to Jesus 
~ disciplines my children in love
~ makes my house a place they want to bring their friends
~ gives my children responsibility (aka chores)
~ teaches my kids about consequences... even when it's hard
~ tells my kids to "go play"

So enjoy this Mother's Day knowing that you are part of a force that is shaping the world... & hopefully you get spoiled with 27 hand-drawn pictures, plastic jewels from a treasure chest, and end-less hugs like me!

Instructor Payne

Parenting so often means teaching. It's a big part of the job description & accounts for much of the parent's time and energy... Especially when the kids are young. But I'm finding as a parent that there are certain things I don't know how to teach. For example...

How to tie shoes.
I know how to tie shoes. I even double knot so well that the other parental unit in this family is unable to untie said knots. But when it comes to teaching my not-quite-7 year old daughter how to do it... Sigh... I'm at a loss. I vaguely remember a story about a bunny and a tree but mostly I forget how I learned... Good thing I have marvelous family members that put me wise to a YouTube clip. My current plan of attack (& i literally mean plan) is to sit her down in front of YouTube with her gym shoes and let her go wild... We have managed to teach her not to click on videos without our consent.

How to get dressed the right way.
I'm not talking about pants before shoes here (although that discussion has taken place in this house)... I'm talking about repeatedly finding my children wearing shirts, pants, dresses, hoodies, underwear... on backwards & their Velcro shoes are constantly on the wrong feet. We've explained that the tags go in the back... We've illustrated how zippers and buttons work more efficiently when worn in the front... We've shown them how shoes are supposed to form little circles when they're next to each other. And yet Mic still appears out of his room with a polo-style shirt on backwards, collar popped so it tickles his chin & jeans looking like they're walking backwards... Kriss Kross would be proud. I feel that this is some sort of payback for the temper tantrum I threw as a 4 or 5 year old who could NOT understand what my mom meant by "the buckles go on the outside of your foot". Obviously... The bones and blood are on the inside of my foot...

How to jump in a Johnny Jump Up
Get a Johnny Jump, they said. Your bouncing baby boy will love it, they said. It'll keep him entertained for hours and help burn off energy, they said. What no one has yet to say is how to get said bouncing baby boy to actually jump in the Johnny Jump Up. He bounces when holding our fingers.... He bounces in his non-bouncy exersaucer... But put him in the thing created for bouncing & he goes boneless. Jumping in front of him doesn't work. Moving the Jump Up up & down pretending he's jumping doesn't work. Getting in the Johnny Jump Up myself & demonstrating doesn't work... But at least he has a silly "why did you put me in here" grin on his face while he's swinging ever so slightly side to side :)

How to shower themselves.
If you've ever read any of my past blogs you've probably gathered that bathing children isn't my most favorite task. My pretend-hippie value system could be partially to blame for why my kids seem so poor at learning how to shower. I actually thought that the loofahs and body wash they got for Christmas had nailed down the body cleaning task & I only had shampooing to conquer... Until the weather suddenly became warm & they entered the shower black as coal miners, threw bubbles around while clean water poured down on them for 5 minutes & I found them just as cruddy as they began... Maybe I should just learn how to put hair in dreadlocks & buy some hemp necklaces... After all I know some super sweet hippies...

Not to pull on the feeding tube.
Never should Theo's ability to grab an object that he wants be questioned. As soon as the Mic-Key tube is attached to his button for his night feeding he is all over that thing! It's his favorite teething toy, pull string, foot lasso and bracelet. He has removed it completely one time & regularly pulls hard enough to make everyone squeamish. Don't worry, though... If he is momentarily distracted enough to leave it alone Maverick is ready to crawl right on over & yank his feeding tube for him. He's a helpful brother like that.

How to pray.
My kids pray. The privilege of going before the Almighty God and telling Him what's on our minds, hearts & days is too amazing to reserve for crisis moments alone. We pray before school, we pray at meals, we pray when feelings are hurt or afraid or attitudes are wrong, we pray at bed, we try to pray after a meal to thank God for providing full bellies yet again... But I fear that my kids are becoming automatic pray-ers. I want them to know that prayer is so much more than just repeating certain words at certain times. I want them to see & experience the fact that God has graciously decided to listen to our small voices & actually allow us to partner with His Spirit to change things through prayer. I long for them to see how gigantic & perfect our God is & therefore grasp how amazing it is that we are allowed in His presence thru prayer. I want their first responses to joy & sadness & anger & temptation & fear & confusion & pain & worry... to be seeking out the ear of The Lord. But I am not able to teach them how to do that... So I will continue to live out my prayer life in front of them and over them and trust that the Holy Spirit will instruct them where I cannot.

... And if you ever see my kids looking clean with tied shoes on the correct feet then you too can know that prayers are answered...

Hannah's purple, sparkley dress

Hannah has a purple, sparkley dress. We're talking princess-wardrobe-worthy here. It's made of sheer layers of multi-tone purple fabric that float around her as she spins. The tender fabric lays gently on her delicate shoulders. It has a beautiful sequin appliqué (consider that my big word for the day) that decorates the front of the sash.

And glitter. Lots of glitter.

The kind of glitter that catches any and all strands of light to reflect around the room. The kind of glitter that leaves a trail as she moves about her day. Enough glitter to turn your lap into a sparkley mess if it's graced with her sitting in it. The kind of glitter I find in my hair, on her dad's clothes, and clinging to the chubby cheeks of her brothers. It's a glittery, fancy dress for my gorgeous fancy girl.

And it's teaching me to keep my big mom mouth shut...

For my mom-style practicality would surely steal the magic from her swirling, shiny skirt. I bite my tongue to not say things like "A special dress like that should be saved for a special occasion." Or "it's too snowy and snow boots don't really match a fancy dress like that"...

Because after all isn't it me who needs to learn about life & fashion in this situation? I am that person who restrains myself from wearing clothes that are "too nice" or "too new" or "the color white" because my everyday might ruin them... And then I wouldn't be able to wear them... Which clearly doesn't make any sense.

And why shouldn't today be special enough for a sparkley, purple dress? We are not promised tomorrow... So requiring a dress this spectacular hang untouched in the closet from Christmas until Easter seems quite wasteful. Maybe the everyday will be celebrated as the special occasion it truly is with the wearing of sparkley magical clothing...

So instead I embrace the sparkles as a little visual picture of God answering our prayers that Hannah will shine with the light of Christ. My heart longs for my daughter (& all my boys of course) to spread God's love & grace & truth & Word & acceptance & purpose to everyone they interact with every day. I want for my children, as I want for myself, to leave the world different... more sparkley... just because they were there... & Jesus was shining thru them.

And I'll try to let go of the caution that leaves me normal & mundane & live life until the sparkle has been spread so far that the dress is retired too small and thread bare... And I'll admire the sparkley faces & places around me.

... And she stored all this up in her heart

I have a list... It's ideas I'd like to blog about... When I have the time to sit & write a blog... But this isn't off my list...

I'm typing this on my phone with one thumb because my arms are super full... Almost as full as my heart...

My twin-ish boys are both sleeping in my arms right now... They were sleepy & cuddley but it was too late for a real nap... So we're rocking... Theo with his crossed eyes slightly open & Maverick with the bumble bee nuk (which used to be Hannah's)... Just a trio of rock stars... There was even some off-key lyric spinning as they calmed down... Compliments of their pink-haired mamma...

On three different occasions today I had Mic in my arms... Not just a hug... But a full on "hold-you-me"... And in the middle of his preschool class he said to me "mamma I love when you hold-you-me"... And my heart was more full than my arms that held my giant 5 year old... & I thanked Jesus that today he still said "hold-you-me"... Because tomorrow comes quickly...

As if to prove that I woke up to a daughter wearing lipstick... She had on a stained up undershirt & "jeggings" with holes in the knee from crawling on the carpet so much & a string of beads & a bracelet... She was getting the bowls down from the high shelf & she turned to me with her lips painted bright red... And I smiled & told her how beautiful she looked... Because I tell her everyday... Because I think it everyday... & I saved the "you're not old enough" talk for a day when the lip color she chooses will last thru her bowl of LIFE cereal... & I was glad that she took my suggestion of adding a little tunic to complete her ensemble... For today...

I often pray that like Mary, God might enable me to store all these things up in my heart... Because we were created for eternity... So there's something sad amidst the passing of our daily magical moments... Our hearts cry to hold them as we celebrate the coming of the next... Like the way I marvel at the boys creeping & squirming all over the floor but also feel the sad reality that they are growing so quickly...

I don't want to miss these moments in the futile mourning of my inability to capture them... So I choose celebration in the amazing moments & I choose trust in the difficult moments... Because while all moments are fleeting they are impacting our hearts... And their impressions are deep...

46 Reasons Why That Mom Probably Feels Guilty

i hope you've seen that awesome blog post circulating Facebook & Pinterest "46 Reasons Why My Three Year Old Might be Freaking Out" http://jasongood.net/365/2012/12/46-reasons-why-my-three-year-old-might-be-freaking-out/ (there you go in case you haven't seen it). It's funny because it's true... which happens to be my favorite type of funny!

This has inspired me to make my own list of 46 reasons... topic the ever present, never helpful mom-guilt...

She ate the last banana

She didn't sign the permission slip that was left in the backpack

Her baby slept through the night

The laundry hasn't made it to the dressers

She locked the bathroom door (& then looked at Facebook while in there)

She yelled

She stayed up too late

She checked her email while the baby nursed instead of holding eye contact for the full 17 minutes

She has secret ice cream

She didn't work out

She did work out

She feeds her offspring processed foods... some even containing red dye #9 

She truly doesn't even remember which dye color & number is the poisonous one that she's not supposed to feed her offspring... she's just guessing on the name for her blog post

She grabbed coffee with a friend... Then because she turned down coffee with a friend

Her kids are playing happily on their own

She hasn't started her baby on solids yet

Her baby started solids before 6 months (multiple babies, remember?!?)

She didn't notice that her son's pants were on backwards until after preschool

She makes her daughter sit through having her hair french braided

The TV sometimes comes on during the week

She doesn't read enough books... play enough games... coach enough sports teams...

She grew tired of "knock-knock" jokes 4.5 years ago

She didn't snuggle her baby enough

She did snuggled her baby too much and now the house qualifies for the show "clean sweep"

She corrected her children for talking with their mouths full while she had food in her mouth

Her baby "cries it out"

Her child's foot was in a shoe 2.5 sizes too small & she was clueless

The baby's diaper leaked

She says things like "you don't need sweets every day" to her kids... while having aforementioned "secret ice cream"

Bed sheets don't get washed as often as they should... & neither do the people who sleep in the beds

She has a limited rotation of dinners that she can make

She does/doesn't work outside the home... the guilt doesn't care which choice she made or her reasons for her choice

She throws away "art work" multiple times a day

She keeps too much stuff & doesn't have an easy, convenient storage system for all of it

She is cranky from lack of sleep

She turned the monitor down & got a good night's sleep

The child didn't make the team

She takes too many pictures & doesn't "live in the moment" enough

She doesn't give in

She does give in

Her 1st grader doesn't know how to tie her shoes... because she doesn't know how to teach her

Her kids bicker

She sometimes tunes the children out

She's not as great as other mom's appear

She cheated so her kid could win the board game

She puts on "baby TV shows" for her infants so she can take a shower

... the list could go on...

Non-moms won't understand... because honestly us moms don't understand. It doesn't make sense. It's not beneficial to moms or to those in direct contact with us. We can all council others on not being "too hard" on themselves, but we struggle to silence our own negative mental nagging. 

But that is an important struggle to not give up on. We need to let go of guilt by first releasing the idea that there's a "perfect" parent status that we can attain. We need to admit that we aren't perfect, we do make mistakes, we are as messy as life itself. We need to put our hope in a God who is bigger than our messes, wiser than our ignorance, and perfect enough for all our imperfections. 

Romans 8:1 states "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus". i recognize that the context of this statement is that the author is confessing that he often feels like he's losing in the battle against sin. but i'm thinking that if our faith in Jesus can free us from condemnation that we truly deserve because of our sins, then it's more than enough to also free us from our unfounded self condemnation... we just need to let it. 

By refusing to be overwhelmed by guilt that can easily be inserted in each & every decision we make, we can actually enjoy parenting. Let's get better at taking the advice we give others. Let's surround ourselves with those who will give us that good advice. And most importantly let's trust Jesus to be enough & simply seek to follow Him in our mothering.

To-Do Dangers

I have a few issues with "to-do" lists...

First off I get distracted while making them. This is a problem because it only proves how desperately I need to make a "to-do" list. Having a "to-do" list saves me from standing around during those brief moments that are ripe with potential accomplishment, re-assessing the million and one things that need done repeatedly, until I give up and decide instead to spend the following 6 minutes in the bathroom playing bejeweled blitz... At least it would help if i could locate the list during those moments.

And how exactly do I make a "to-do" list? Do I list thing in order of importance or in a chronological pattern? And what about all the other things I realize need done as I go about said list? If "thaw meat" is on the list & my sink is full of dishes requiring me to empty the clean dishes out of the dishwasher & put the dirty dishes in before I'm able to thaw the meat, do I edit my list to include "empty dishwasher" & "load dishwasher" just so I can have the satisfaction of crossing those off the list? And if that's the case should I also include "update to-do list" on my "to-do" list? Where does one stop?

I'm also unclear on what to do with all the stuff that's left on my "to-do" list at the end of the day. Each day brings repeat offenders (dishes, kitchen, laundry, papers...) that I often struggle just to complete. Therefore what's left on the list are the bigger projects (vacuuming, changing sheets, bathing children, organizing closets) that take special energy & opportunity (and yes, I'm aware you're all laughing at that honest list I just made...) My question is how long do I keep making the same list everyday & only doing the same 4 things until I give up on the others?

There's also this deeper issue that I've struggled with regarding "to-do" lists... People get placed on them and I become the list. Let me explain...

I'm busy. This isn't a recent development that came included with a set of twins. I've always been an on-the-go-can't-sit-still kinda gal. I wanted to leave basketball practice 7 minutes early so I could change in the car on my way to ballet class... I took 18 hours of college credits per semester while working part time, playing on the soccer team, training for a marathon & raising money for the diabetes association... I worked two jobs, volunteered with the youth group, played on the worship team & worked hard at my new marriage... I like busy.

I can hide in busy.

In order to keep this life of busyness I had to mentally check off my "to-do" list at every moment. That means constantly pushing my multi-tasking ability to the next level. It means turning time with my family, relaxing with my handsome husband, hanging out with friends, ministry opportunities, running, praying, reading... even God Himself into "to-do's". This is not fulfilling. This is exhausting.

Then came that moment when i realized i desperately needed all the good stuff I was doing to mean I was good... good enough. But busy doesn't equal worthy. It was at that certain ladies Sunday school class (shameless plug... Go to Sunday school. What do you have going on Sunday morning that's more important than digging deeper into God's Word with other believers?) that I was confronted with the truth that God loved me... Not what I did. Just me. No hiding necessary. It was pointed out to me that God made us human beings not human doings. This simple, shocking truth still rocks my world. There is a me beneath & beyond the things I do... Or have "to-do"... And God desires that me.

Wow.

When I focus on "being" and not "doing" things change... It's not that I necessarily do less or different stuff... But I'm different. I'm not rushing around in a void attempt to squeeze value out of a longer "to-do" list that's completely checked off. I'm free to find rejuvenation in sitting on the couch with my husband... I'm free to leave the dishes when I can sneak in a run... To truly care about the person who I have the opportunity to serve... To have the God of this universe speak to my tiny heart... Instead of seeing all this & more as things I "must do" in order to be worth love & acceptance. The Bible says God loved us first, when we were still His enemies, while we were still lost in sin. And He still loves us today. Just as much. Never more. Never less. Regardless of how much we do or how much we still have "to-do".

I'm still far from great at viewing myself this way. I still believe lies about my worth that sometimes trip me up. I need constant reminding... But I have another day every morning "to-do" WITH God & grow deeper in this understanding... And
I'll keep moving forward in this freedom...

After all it's #1 on my "to-do" list.

Math Parent-Style

Math word problems. Always a blast in school. Super fun figuring out train arrival times and hourly wages and the such. i'm fairly certain it's been awhile since you brushed up on some word problems... mental exercise for the day momma (or daddy) style:

1) There are 2 children who start out with 1 inflated balloon. There are 2 melt downs over who is playing with said balloon. There are two more balloons added to the fun. There are then 4 more melt downs. One over the younger sibling being better than the older at blowing up balloons, 2 over balloons popping, and one over rules to an invented balloon game. It is 11:24 AM. Will both children have to take "sleeping naps" after lunch?

Answer: 100%

2) You went to bed at 10:30 PM last night. It is now 2:52 PM. You were awaken during the night 2 times to feed babies, one time due to power flickering off and on, 6-12 times due to loud frozen rain and super wind gusts, 2 times due to storm door being blown open, 1 time due to middle of the night poopy diaper incident, and 3 times due to spouse sleeping restlessly. Drinking caffeine after 4 PM will make you lie awake for 40-60 minutes at bedtime. You've already ingested the one cup of coffee your stomach allows you to have without complaining. Do you chance the second cup in hopes of accomplishing something today?

Answer: Skip the second cup of coffee and actually finish first cup that you thought you already finished but really just hid in the microwave for awhile... quickly before 4:00.

3) It takes child #1 4.5 minutes to get dressed, 47 seconds to brush teeth and hair, 1.8 minutes to re-brush teeth and hair after mom checks them, 13 seconds to locate book bag, 6.1 minutes to explain why she is super excited about last weeks music class project, 2 minutes to put on shoes and jacket, and 3.1 minutes to locate book bag again before heading out the door. Child #2 takes 2.6 minutes to get dressed, 8 minutes to locate socks that are put away where they belong, 42 seconds to turn his clothes around so pants and shirt are not on backwards, 1.4 minutes to brush teeth, 0 seconds even thinking about book bag, 3.2 minutes wandering aimlessly around, and 20 seconds to put on jacket and shoes (on the wrong feet of course) before heading out the door. Child #3 & child #4 are infants. They take a combined total of 3 diaper changes at 38 seconds per change, 3 outfit changes (including 1 outfit change for parent due to diaper changing incident) at 2.4 minutes per change, 2 feeding sessions at 9.7 minutes per session, 1 diaper bag prepared at 4.6 minutes of preparation, and 3.9 minutes of buckling and bundling into car seats while infants protest loudly. What time would this family have to begin preparing to leave in order to make it to school by 8:37 AM?

Answer: Seriously. This is an honest question. i need to figure this out. Please crunch the numbers and let me know. Mind you that i don't function kindly before 8AM so no answers including mention of the 6 o'clock hour will be accepted.

4) The cookie recipe calls for 1 box of cake mix, 1 egg, and 1 melted stick of butter. Children spill 1/23 of the cake mix on the counter. Four pieces of egg shell .17 cm in diameter fall into the mix. 2% of the stick of butter explodes on microwave walls during melting process. Children take turns mixing the dough at approximately 20 beats per minute. There are 2 cookie sheets each 11 inches wide. 16 cookies fit on each sheet. There is only 1 rack in the oven that is 20 inches wide. It takes 8 minutes to bake cookies to gooey perfection. How long will it take the parent to give in and just eat pre-made cookie dough straight from the freezer?

Answer: Mmm... cookie dough...

5) There are 6 people in the household. 2 of the 6 are miniature humans who use very few dishes. 2 of the 6 are grown adults capable and willing to put dirty dishes in dishwasher and clean dishes away. 2 of the 6 are learning to care for their own dishes... slowly. There are 15 metal spoons, 16 metal forks, 21 plastic spoons, and 11 plastic forks (that we can currently find). If 2 of the 6 eat lunch outside of the house 5 days a week, and 4 of the 6 eat supper together off of plates (or bowls if cereal is the main course), how many hours does it take to keep the kitchen from looking like a disaster?

Answer: All day, every day

How'd you do? Feel free to grade yourself on a sliding scale. Consider that your mental workout of the day. Bonus points added for clever answers posted in the comments. Also please note that my dear friend explained how to add a nice "follow by email" option to my page so you can put in your email if you'd like to see when i post :) Smile, stay warm & help those who aren't today!