Short hospital stays with a one-year old

I've been blessed incredibly to (previous to November) only have ever stayed in a hospital after the births of three babies. I've been the "patient", but have been healthy, & entertained with a new life and the visitors a new baby brings. So I was shamefully ill-equipped to stay the two nights on my own with Theo after his surgery. I had no idea what to bring and what not to bring. Just in case someone else out there finds themselves in this situation, I jotted down a few notes on what is needed:

Things to bring:

- Toys: my baby was bed-bound & bored. I only brought the chew toy giraffe that hangs from his car seat handle. And by "brought" I mean that thing is always attached to his car seat, so it came with us. It did work well, as I could velcro it to the hospital crib so it couldn't be thrown down on the floor. So bring things that can hook on if your child likes to toss things. 

- Baby Books: There's a lot of still, quiet time to enjoy stories with your baby. 

- Blankets: it's nice to have one of their favorite snuggle blankets since they have to spend the whole time in bed. I also brought a blanket to leave in the car so when it was time to leave I could put a fresh, non-hospital-germ-exposed blanket on him. 

- A lot of pacifiers: Like, everyone you own. So many of them end up on the floor, which, in a hospital, deems them unusable. I could've used three times the number I brought. 

- Toiletries: Toothbrushes for you and your baby, your deodorant, face wash and anything else that helps you feel human. 

- Pillow: If the hospital offers you one, it won't help very much. Bring your own so you can at least lay awake on the fold out chair thing slightly more comfortably all night long. 

- Slippers: That way you don't have to choose between putting your shoes on a million times to leave the room or roaming the hospital halls in just your socks. I hate shoes. 

- Paints: Or another hobby that you theoretically enjoy, but rarely have the time to do (like showering). You've got nothing but time in the hospital. 

- Something to Read: Flipping TV channels is the worst! Apparently "The Bachelor" is still on... That's just sad... I'm too spoiled by our on-demand TV habits to search for something not too mind numbing to watch.

- A Pen & Notebook: I used mine for when I was studying the Bible & to catch up on my "what the kids are doing" journal.

- Nail Polish: I actually had time for it to dry!

- Cards: I wrote this down while I was in the hospital, but can not currently imagine why I wanted a deck of cards??? I actually think I meant greeting or thank you cards, as there was actually time present to jot down how much I appreciate those who mean so much to me. 

- Underwear: Oh, you think this goes without saying? Well, perhaps I subconsciously wanted to ensure the necessity of a Target run. 

- Lotion: Hospitals are very dry and washing your hands and your child with surgical scrub multiple times can tear your skin up!

- Snacks & Drinks: I had great intentions of eating delicious food that's not accessible to me in my small town... Instead I just went hungry between the three meals I managed to escape for in the two and a half days. Since you may have to wait to meet with the doctors for an undisclosed amount of time, having snacks and drinks on hand is smart. Think breakfast, late night, and waiting room snacks. 

Things to leave:

- Diapers: I brought enough diapers to last two babies four days... And the hospital generously provides them. And to a mom free diapers=best diapers. 

- Wipes: The hospital provided these as well! They were gentle, thick, hypoallergenic, and flushable! They even gave us a pack for the road. 

- Jeans: Comfy sweat pants are more than sufficient. I packed a pair of jeans and never once thought that sitting around the hospital would be improved by wearing denim. 

- Running shoes: Again, this is probably common knowledge that parents staying with their hospital-bound children wouldn't be able to sneak in a run...But I brought mine just in case. The most cardio I snuck in was taking the six floors of steps every time I had to go out to the car.

- Pump: Theo was still nursing when he had surgery and had to do two days of I-V or clear fluids only. I actually forgot my pump, and by the second afternoon I was really regretting that. The hospital had an amazing machine & sterile, one-user parts that they offered to me as a nursing mom. They even provided bottles with caps and labels to safely store the milk in their refrigerators. 

- Medicine: Any medications that the child routinely takes (even a multi-vitamin) as well as anything necessary after the procedure are provided & administered by the hospital. 

- Bottles: The hospital took complete care of my baby's meals just as he needed. Including the bottles for his clear fluids two days out. The exception to this would be if you have a child who is extremely particular about what they drink out of. In that case, you'll want to bring what your child will be most comfortable with. 

***Disclaimer: This is simply things that the Children's Hospital provided or didn't provide for us. I would assume that experiences will change from hospital to hospital (especially if you have to bring your child to a hospital which doesn't specialize in children). I hope this list is helpful to at least help you get started packing. Feel free to talk to your surgical prep team, if the hospital stay is being planned, for specifics. 

Anything that other hospital stay parents love to bring or know is unnecessary? Please share your knowledge in the comments below!

Myth Buster

We have all been lied to.

Consistently and repeatedly.

Catchy little phrases that almost sing-song in our minds try to sway our mental powers to succumb and accept a fallacy as the truth.

But not today.

i'm here to challenge this bold faced lie...

Weebles do fall down.

That's right, Weebles, much like all other objects of mass, are subject to gravity. Sure, they're designed with marvelously round little bottoms that are weighted in such a way to keep them from tipping over, but they still fall down. If you don't believe me you can ask Theo... who may or may not have been victim to a Weeble air strike initiated by the large, toddling one. If Weebles somehow had the superpower to only wobble and never fall down, then my toes would be perfectly safe from the threat of those heavy little creatures falling out of one of the 7 secret hiding spots in the Weeble tree house that i'm simply trying to put away... chubby little ninjas. And for the record, gravity also applies to that large Weeble tree house. Maverick (who is obviously freakishly strong for a 14 month old) proves this daily as he wanders around the living room carrying said tree house.

So no more buying the lie! No more repeating the catchy genius marketing chant of "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down." They DO fall down. If you would like to cheer Weebles as having the ability to wobble but not tip over, by all means, go right on ahead. For that is fairly accurate.

After all, why are we as a society placing such a burdensome expectation on these brightly colored figures? Why is not falling down something to celebrate? As a parent i think it would be kind of frustrating to new walkers if their toy were to somehow resist the fall that they took while carrying it. Weebles would be levitating, smiling-faced taunters to all children learning how to walk if they in fact never fell down.

Falling down is a necessity. If we allow ourselves to wrongly think that Weebles have reached the level of never falling down, we may start to expect the same for ourselves and others. This would be tragic. For how could our babies learn to walk? How could dances be perfected? How could the sport of diving or pole vaulting continue? Fear of falling would make soccer players dull and diminish tackling to a long, pointless game of chase, where no one is running too fast to risk it. Baseball jerseys would stay clean, circus acts would never be attempted, jousting would disappear, and no one would understand the game of rugby. (OK, that last one may not have anything to do with falling... rugby is borderline impossible to understand.)

And how harmful would this standard of perfection be if it were translated into more than just physically falling? Can you imagine if we all decided that wobbling in our thoughts, emotions, words and character was acceptable as long as we never fell... Expectations like this would eliminate our freedom to confess, increase hypocrisy, encourage escape instead of dealing with our actual struggles... And that would be terrible.

For if we can't fall then we can't
be broken...
be humble...
confess...
mourn...
be weak...
be weary...
be undeserving...
be contrite...
worship...

... and therefore we miss out on the blessings of
being close to God (Psalm 34:18)...
being lifted up by God (James 4:10)...
being forgiven (1 John 1:19)...
being comforted (Matthew 5:4)...
experiencing the power of God (2 Corinthians 12:9)...
finding rest for our souls (Matthew 11:28)...
receiving salvation through grace (Ephesians 2:8-9)...
repentance (2 Corinthians 7:10)...
laying what we have at the feet of Jesus and receiving all of Him (Revelation 4:10-11)...

... and what is life if we miss all that?

So let us free the Weebles from the torture of the expectation to never fall and may we find the grace to join them in that freedom.

Giving thanks

November is such a wonderful time! Fall weather... Family gatherings... Yummy food... Thankful posts on Facebook...

If you have participated in this 30 day thanksgiving posting and have, by chance, witnessed any lack of love, you just hold your thankful head high and soldier on. We all need a lot more thanks to be given. Facebook could always be improved with some positive vibes. I may personally scan past your postings... But I'm thankful for my thankful friends. 

The scanning happens more because if I've already read a thankful post or two, then I've already read the rest. We are thankful for our family, children, pets, home, freedom... And should voice such thankfulness more often than we do. But since those things have already been spotlighted (648 times this month) Here's a list of random things that I'm thankful for that you probably haven't already seen on your newsfeed...

- My eyebrows:

My face would look very strange without them. Also they're not too bushy and naturally lay in the same direction (a necessity in my book). I've never had to experience a brow wax. I'm thankful for that. 

- The pickling process:

I join cucumbers in singing the praises of adding veggies to incredibly salty water. 

- Salad dressing bottles with squeeze lid openings:

These save my salads from being drowned in a ranch avelanch. There's not enough lettuce left over to recover after I wrongly assume there is a squeeze lid when in fact there is not...

- I was born after toenail clippers were invented:

I'm trying to not imagine grooming practices previous to these silver hand-held helpers started being mass produced. 

- Bumbo seats:

The single apparatus that has allowed Theo to sit upright for the last 6 months. 

- My husband is bald:

He's seriously handsome with a bald head. 

- The Harlem Shake

This viral phenom is completely entertaining. The song is amazingly catchy. The creative group productions are hilarious. And the Payne Family version makes me laugh harder every time I watch it. If I can figure out how to attach a video y'all can witness the awesomeness... 

- I've never experienced air bags going off: 

Think about it for a moment. It's terrifying.

- The movie "Clue" was in the $5 bin at walmart:

Just buy it. Go to walmart, pay the $5, now you're thankful too. 

- Digital music: 

No more storing 639 cd cases and the ability to shuffle music from my entire collection... Yes. 

- The ability to connect to the internet silently:

Remember that dial-up sound? I'm thankful it's just a memory. 

- I outgrew the fascination with toe lint I had as a child:

I don't claim to understand it. I'm just glad I no longer have to check between each toe before I fall asleep each night. 

- No one has to follow the parking rules in our Kroger parking lot:

I'm not sure why, but this MuSt be true. There's no other explanation for what happens in that parking lot.

- Apple products:

They're seriously great. Regardless of what car taggers may think...

- People who will tell me they don't like my hair:

Whether it's Mic stating that my hair looks "more beautifuller without that circle thing on my head" (referring to my ponytail), or my husband who is honest about his favorite hair color on me... I'm so thankful that I have people who's compliments I can always trust because they tell me what they don't like as well. 

-This balloon:

- The lack of dress code for the stay at home mom occupation:

This may be my number one love of my job... Of COURSE I mean after my children... It's just that my sweat pants never whine or need their food cut up into smaller pieces...

- Down syndrome:

God definitely showed off His creativity with the addition of the 47th chromosome. Just amazing. 

- That I was out of high school before the invention of social media:

We recently looked through our old yearbooks. I'm very thankful that I could put all those awkward pre-teen photos back into a box...

(You're welcome for that laugh)

- Saltines:

These delicious, addictive salty crackers cost less than $1 for a huge box and are perfect to eat anytime. What other food do you desire the same 24 hour period after puking?

- How lilacs smell:

Just imagine it... Sigh...

- Super hero masks:

Making my life always interesting. 

- My In-Laws:

Be jealous. I get along as well with my husband's family as my own. That's something to give thanks for. 

- Teenager's love of ugly boots:

It's not that I understand all the styles out there, it's just that I love that I can wear big, clompy boots with my sweat pants when it's cold and wet outside and no one cares... (Expect maybe my fashion aware spouse...)

- Double Stuff Oreos:

What need is there for the normal-stuff Oreos now?

- The 3 people who actually read this whole list:

Thanks for your support and interest in what I have to say. I truly enjoy conveying it all. 

1 year of Home...

Today we celebrate 

  With small bites of solid foods...

By rolling around the floor to get toys...

    Fitting 9 month clothing...

 Sporting the faux hawk...

By singing, and cooing, and blowing zerberts...

   With big, face-grabbing, mouth-open kisses...

      Taking 15 minute naps...

 In cloth diapers...

    Weight bearing in the exersaucer...

Amidst breathing treatments for mucus management...

     Wearing the tuxedo onesie...

 Swinging in the big outside baby swing...

Attempting to crawl...

    Still leaking from his belly...

  Sharing smiles that melt will melt your heart...

Seven specialists...

Countless expert nurses... 

Five therapists...

20+ shots...

5 daily medicines...

4 internal tests...

365 days of nursing...

Three X-rays...

47 chromosomes...

An army of nursery volunteers...

8 months with a G-tube...

9 months without oxygen tubes...

3.7 months of helmet use...

6 teeth...

5 states visited...

3 days of successful glasses wearing...

Four jogs in the double stroller...

5 days until the finalization date...

1 YEAR of home!!!

It's Not a Competition

Let's just stop.
Stop the comparing, measuring, devaluing, hiding, nagging, judging, punishing, berating...
After we are done with all that... let's begin to deal with how we treat others.

For, while i do not know about you, the meanest things i say each day are not heard by another person. i actually probably wouldn't speak to an enemy the way that i speak to myself...
(Please feel free to comment below if you are an enemy of mine and have an opinion about this.)

For what is it benefiting us? Does anyone have some amazing story of freedom and victory that has emerged from your harsh, hate-filled view in which you see yourself? Is someone's life better from always measuring themselves against others? (Again, please share in the comment section if this is your experience.)

Because it's not working for me. There's always someone prettier, faster, more artistic, a better writer, more natural of a mom, stronger, more in love with Jesus, smarter, more creative, a better cook, funnier, more patient... than i have deemed myself to be. i try harder... but just find myself more tired and anxious. Whatever "improvements" i'm actually able to make i both refuse to accept and grow intensely terrified of losing.

All of this over invisible competitions where i participate as creator, competitor, trainer, coach, judge, and the sole spectator. Never the winner.

So let me be brave enough to state these simple, logical truths...

Pain is pain.
There is no standard of physical beauty to which we all fall on the sliding scale of...
A good dancer enjoys moving to music uninhibited by fear of those who may be watching...
A child's behavior in a moment does not define that parent...
Accomplishment is not relative. If you struggled through a challenge and did not succumb then you should celebrate...
Labor is hard.
Fear sounds terrible in a singing voice...
We get only one body. Hatred and wrong treatment of this body is to no good end...
Trying and failing is a vital part of growth...
Mirrors lie...
The beauty, talent, ability, etc of someone else does not fade your beauty, talent, ability or life...
Babies grow and develop at different rates...
Discipline determines how you will react... it does not take away the child's choice to misbehave...
Loss hurts.
The differences in trees make the forest gorgeous...
Marriage is two imperfect people being joined into one huge mess of a family...
No one can control when or how a baby grows, rolls, talks, gets teeth, walks, pees in a potty...
Tired is tired.
Running only for first place will leave you disappointed...
Doing more than you did before is an accomplishment...
Feeling fear is a necessary part of having courage...
Grades that your child brings home do not reflect your intelligence...
Your spouse can see your faults as clearly as marriage shows you theirs...
Clean does not keep...
Parenting is gut wrenching...
Even the models don't look like the pictures in the magazines...
You can't be a good enough athlete, student, or christian to make your offspring into the same...
Art is defined by each individual...
Keeping going through what is hard is strength...
Someone has it worse... this does not diminish our need to deal with the hardships in our lives...
Someone has it better... this does not diminish the joy we should celebrate in our lives...
Perfection is not an option.

Let's all breathe that in for a minute. Let's strive to silence the voice of lies that constantly whisper in our ears and scream at us from society. Let's refuse to continue needing to be the most injured, the most tired, the most perfect in order to feel justified in being who we are.

Let us stop... but not be so foolish to think we can change in our own power. i'm committing to listen to the One who is Creator, and Judge, and Perfect... and actually accepting what He says about me.
For God has called me
loved (1 John 4:19)
precious (Isaiah 43:4)
beautiful (Psalm 45:11)
shinny (Phil 2:15)
imagined (Jer. 1:5)
forgiven (Isaiah 1:5)
empowered (Colossians 1:11)
desired (Psalm 45:11)
royal (1 Peter 2:9)
treasured (Deuteronomy 26:18)
His (Isaiah 43:1)...
What imaginary title could i possibly earn that would satisfy more than these? Why would i choose to keep striving on my own against those around me? i want to claim the victory of peace with God so that i can claim that same peace with myself and watch the competitions disappear around me
into true relationships.

Little Warrior Payne

Today I realized...

I was tired...

   Of being covered in spit up...

    Of concocting meals of just the right consistency to both challenge him to chew and yet not choke him that contain high calories, protein, fats, carbs & vitamins that won't make him even more constipated...

   Just to have said "meals" leak out of his button soaking his shirts & pants & seat & me...

     Of applying silver nitrate to his button bump just to see it bleed through his onesie but not seeing any difference in said bump...

   Of the crying...

     Of fighting to keep his hand out of his throat...

 Of remembering to give all of the medications he needs throughout the day at just the right intervals...

   Of wrestling him into submission to take said medicine...

  Of finding another sitter for the other baby for another doctor appointment...

    Of changing his wet outfits 5 times a day...

 Of teething...

Then the Holy Spirit tenderly opened my eyes to see what was right in front of me...

Theo...

  That it was his meals that were leaking and erupting from his little body...

    His skin that constantly feels damp...

   How much effort he has to give for everything he does...

  That his stomach must feel so strange emptying from so many directions...

     That grumpy is acceptable when constipated...

  His little gums must be so sore from working on breaking teeth through...

   How frustrating it must be to be denied his favorite self-soothing technique...

  He's the one tasting all the yucky medicines...

And yet he smiles... So much more often than he cries. 

He works SO very hard... Everyday. 

He giggles and wiggles and hugs. 

He faithfully takes in food... regardless of how it may exit his body. 

He tolerates my bad moods and irrational grumpiness... And still lights up when he sees me. 

He's constantly fighting. Every minute of every day. To grow & learn & function. He handles being in the thick of it all so much better than I handle my front row seat to his battle. He displays so much strength and grace and joy regularly... That the occasional grumpy spell is well earned. And I am blessed to be given such a close-up view. For here I get to cheer, and challenge, and assist, and pray over, and witness him. And it's true that this seat is currently in the "splash-zone" of stomach contents and medicine spills... But it's so small in comparison to all he feels and battles and will overcome.  

So while there are days where I will feel tired... I am learning from my baby how to handle struggles a little better along the way. 

Dear Princesses...

There are a few things i think you should know:

1) i'm talking to you. 
Yes, you. God Himself dreamed you up from an infinite amount of possibilities and put skin on you. He paid the price that you couldn't pay so that you could be a part of His royal family. One of His daughters. He's already accepted you, and when you receive that acceptance for yourself, you become a princess... You who are riding on the homecoming float, and you who are hiding under the bleachers. You are a princess. You who are currently admired and celebrated, and you who feel forgotten and lost. You are a princess. Regardless of how you look, how you feel, how old you are, how sick you are, how much you laugh or hide or cry. No matter how you imagine other people view you... or how they actually do... You are a princess. 

2) Get to know the King.
After all it is Him who has made you a princess. Don't assume that what others have told you about Him is enough. You are His daughter... know Him for yourself. For if you do not know God, then you will not know what good even is... for we are all insufficient at determining good. If you do not see Jesus, then you will not be convinced that He loves you when His love doesn't fit into our understanding. If you do not hear from the Father, how will you know which way to walk? For while you are a princess, you are not the omnipotent King... but you do have access to Him. Run into His throne room daily to be embraced by Him. Report your troubles and fears directly to His ears. Ask Him for what it is that you want and need. Listen to His power-filled voice singing over you... Know Him and be known by Him. For that is the true value of your royalty.

3) Princesses don't compete.
There is no need. Your Daddy is the King, therefore know who you are. Don't view other princesses as threats. You don't need to be fancier, or more adored, or wear more crowns, or carry more titles. You are already adored by the the Ruler of the world. You have arrived as far as esteem is concerned. The confidence of a princess is not put in who you are better than, prettier than, better dressed than, liked more than... it is simply that you are a chosen child of the Supreme Lord. Stop competing. Start living in that celebration.

4) Life's more like a battle than a pageant.
Don't be fooled into daily donning your most sparkly costume. Don't waste energy memorizing simple answers to hard questions that sound good but help nothing. Refuse to cover over who you really are with a mask of make-up that you are convinced others will like more. Develop your talents, but not to be voted by imaginary judges as better than those around you, but in order to gain honor for your royal family. Dress in a way that will protect you from the enemy who wants to steal your beauty and replace it with regret. Burn away hours seeking Truth and Wisdom at the feet of the all-knowing, generous King, so that your words will bring life where death is ringing. Let your weaknesses, and fears, and imperfections, and scars, and faults be seen by the audience in your daily life... for in that terrifying act of bravery you will allow those who are blind to see your God be enough. Be passionate. Be disciplined. Be bold. For there are masses, who right now, are starving, and bleeding, and falling, and dying both spiritually and physically... and you, as a princess, have the opportunity to fight for them. Ignore the lull of pageantry that will leave you feeling empty and hidden, and accept the call to battle that will truly free you to sparkle.

5) Your position is purposeful.
Your Father, the King, knows better than you. He has placed you where a princess is needed. Stop fantasizing about how magical other princesses must have it, and look around you. Your popularity does not define you. Your strength is not in yourself. Your riches do not provide for you. Your hope is not in your circumstances. You can shine from a dark corner with dirty, exhausted hands of faithful service to those God has called you. If God has placed you on a shiny platform... then shine and speak for Him. Don't just wave at the crowds who clamor to be seen by royalty. Show them how to join in the family. Determine in your mind daily to shine as a princess where you are, and trust the King to keep you and move you in perfect time.

This is just a brief excerpt from a love letter written to you by the King. Know that your status as a lovely princess of God is not reliant on any title man can give. i'm proud of my homecoming princesses. i root for my lovelies who compete in pageants... i just want you all to see the bigger reality of who you truly are. i hope it leaves you hungry to hear more. 

Check out some of these passages...
Psalm 45
Isaiah 62
1 Peter 2:9-17
Isaiah 43:1-6
1 Peter 1:3-9
Romans 8:14-18